Love letter to my Self

Dearest Self,

I constructed a letter of gratitude to all the heroines I've met along the journey of life. You know how much our attention gets turned outside our Self? I’ve shown up to remind you to take a look at the heroine within.

To my bad ass, loud and fairly cranky, sometimes witty, white hair rocking, fashionista on the natural level, flower photographer, creative writer, tree painting, pumpkin smashing, head banging, foot tapping Woman that I am. I am proud of the way you honor our Self when Saturday mornings are spent painting upside down trees and listening to Some kind of blues. I think your love for nature while having matured, likely began while squishing your feet in garden mud. You’ve kept photographic accounts of travel and home, scouting botanical gardens and national parks for the interplay of light and shadow. You have a large body of work, representing your growth and skill.

Thank you Self, for figuring out ways to take care of our all our hurts, seen and unseen. Since the time you were small, you stepped up to fill big shoes. There is a story about the time you sold balloons to the neighbors after seeing your parents argue over money. You volunteered for rape crisis when you couldn’t speak honestly about your own survival story. You learned to project your voice by advocating for others. While it is a good thing to be aware and speak truthfully about the impact of violence, the behavior of honoring others above your own self, has hurt you and it is with love that I ask you to stop.

Kristina, you have much to add to the great story of life. You are just learning how to live and be, experience the clarity of stillness and the rhythm of chaos, death and rebirth. Wisdom reminds us to place less importance on what we have learned from a system built on misunderstanding, ignorance and lies. The practice of surrender, release, non-permanence is key to slowing down and being. The world is getting tough, but we are strong; woven together with forty three years of experience teaching you to trust our Self.

Trust.

Surrender, let go, release control and recognize the story worth changing is our own.

I am valuable.

I am kind.

I am blooming at my own pace.

I can be overly dramatic while acting out my story.

When I am exploring, I explore deeply. I do not take things at surface level. Do you remember when you read the short story about the pearl diver, your fascination with the stars and later astrology… deep space and the eye of god? Surrender, let go and release. Trust the rainbow worm tunnel is already here.

I will remind my Self to breathe, especially when I look outside my Self and compare. We must slow down to observe and decide. Go slow when things feel out of control.

Fear is an interesting dance. You are learning to say yes. Learning to trust. Keep up with your efforts! And keep working it Kristina, you aren’t done yet, there is so much more to go. So much abundance is in front of you. Keep reaching for your truths, keep exploring the amazing and curious layers of consciousness, keep loving on all those plants and trees, photographing flowers, and falling in love with Saguaros. Keep writing and travel more, the trees like your attention as much as the bipeds.

With deep love and respect.

Kristina L Daniels